Safety in the BDSM Dungeon: Your Guide to Safer Kink

Health

This article has been written for TRACKS Magazine and the Queensland Injectors Health Network (QuIHN).

Safety in the BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism or Slave/Master) dungeon seems like a contradiction in terms really – considering the dungeon is where some people willingly go to be tortured, tormented, violated and humiliated.  However, safety does in fact set the scene for all BDSM play for both the administrators and recipients.  At the very forefront of professional BDSM practice, is the Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) philosophy that acts as both a guideline and an industry standard when practiced routinely every time there is any (unwilling) risk of potential harm to self or other.

Discuss before your session, what your safe word is.  Don’t make it a word like ‘stop’ or ‘don’t’ as it may be confused with consent in BDSM play.  Use a plain word like ‘aeroplane’, ‘monkey’ or ‘red’.  This ensures that if any injuries occur or are occurring there is a plan to stop, drop and check up on what is going on.  Always have the necessary equipment to cut through rope or chain in an emergency, such as a bolt cutter or scissors.  Be aware of breathing, sounds, smells, skin colour, and temperature, as well as what is being said.  Try to avoid being under the influence of drugs or alcohol where possible but if you or your client will be taking drugs, plan ahead, have all your own equipment and dispose of your equipment properly.  The BDSM world is mostly about the head fuck but never leave a bound person unattended, ever!  Discontinue BDSM play until all is well for you both.

Due to the nature of sex work and BDSM, the potential for direct (or indirect) contact with blood, faeces (shit), urine (piss), spit and semen (cum) is high, resulting in a direct correlation with an increased risk of possible exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) like Herpes, Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) commonly known as Wart Virus, Chlamydia or Gonorrhoea and blood born virus’ (BBV’s) such as Syphilis, Hepatitis A, B and C or HIV.  It is therefore imperative that all preventative steps are taken to minimise this risk and increase our pleasure by incorporating safer sex practices into every aspect of sex, sex work and BDSM play.

It is equally important to point out that there is very little risk of contracting or transmitting HIV and other BBV’s or STI’s if you use condoms and water-based lubricant correctly.  Unfortunately it is still (wrongfully) illegal in some states in Australia for those with HIV to sex work or pay a sex worker for sex but let’s remember that HIV is a virus and not a crime (Scarlet Alliance, 2009).  There is also consensual sex and sex work between peers who live with HIV.  We all have the right to seek and receive sexual pleasure as long as we are not harming others in the process – unless of course controlled harm and harming is consensual.

As far a sex worker’s go, most of us in the sex industry are aware of how to do sex work safely before, during and after, as par for the course.  Let’s face it, it’s our livelihood and in our best interests to ensure that all risks are minimised and/or eliminated from our working environment.  A higher number of sexual partners does not necessarily mean there is an increased likelihood of having an STI.  On the contrary, sex workers are more vigilant about safer sex practices and condom use (Scarlet Alliance, 2009) than the general public.  Therefore, we cannot assume everyone else behaves accordingly in their everyday life.  The onus is on every single one of us sex workers, Mistress’s and Master’s, clients, sub’s and slave’s and Vanilla’s to insist that all play involving contact with the genitals, anus or blood, be done so safely and hygienically for everyone concerned.

This means the routine use of prophylactics (condoms) for intercourse and toys, anti-bacterial toy cleaner, dental dams, lubricants, latex rubber gloves for needle and anal play, clean needles or picks, needle disposal units, lined rubbish bins, baby wipes, hand sanitizer’s, equipment sterilising, and frequently cleaning your sheets and towels to minimise pubic lice (Crabs), bed bugs and scabies.  Remember when you are asked to violate someone’s arse with your fist; you need rubber gloves, and lots of lube.  If you are reaming it with a toy or strap on, then you also need condoms!  Create a barrier between you and it.

STI’s are transmitted through body fluids like semen and mucus such as natural fluids in the vagina and those left on unprotected sex toys.  Herpes can also be transmitted via kissing to the genital’s or mouth.  BBV’s like Hep A, B, C and HIV are transmitted via blood, syringes, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk.  It is important to be aware of any cuts, lesions or abrasions on your fingers and in your mouth, as well as on the genitals.  Condoms act as a barrier to blood and fluid born viruses.  HIV is not transmissible by kissing, saliva, spit, urine or faeces, as large amounts are required to be passed on and the virus cannot survive for long outside the body.  However Hepatitis A and B can be transmitted by having unprotected mouth to anal play (Rimming).

Cleaning and caring for your sex toys will stop the transmission of STI’s.  In most cases warm soapy water will suffice if your dildo/vibrator is made out of rubber, latex, silicone or glass depending on whether or not it is waterproof.  If it isn’t, then a good quality anti-bacterial toy cleaner spray to use with a tissue will also suffice.  Boiling dildo’s for 3 minutes or putting them through a hot dishwasher cycle will also work but may damage them a lot quicker (Respect Inc).  Similarly, whips, paddles and canes and chains can be washed in warm soapy water and dried and/or shined with leather and wood polish.

Disposing of used condoms, gloves, needles, syringes, blades, swabs, pads, tampons, bandages etc, need a little bit more individual attention.  Condoms should be tied to avoid spillage of the semen, wrapped in a tissue and placed in a lined rubbish bin.  Similarly, with latex gloves.  These are taken off and naturally go inside out, therefore trapping any bodily fluids or faecal matter within them; they can be simply put in the bin.  Swabs, pads and tampons can also be placed in a lined rubbish bin and should never be flushed down the toilet.  Needles, syringes and blades need to be placed in a sharps disposable container to avoid the risk of accidental pricks (no pun intended).  You can request these from your local QuIHN office or needle exchange program.

Most of what I have talked about is common sense.  If you keep things simple you can’t go wrong.  Keep everything clean including you.  Wash or use baby wipes before and after each client or sexual partner, in fact have a packet in your bedside drawer.  Frequently wash or sterilise all toys, canes, paddles, tawse, whips and chains.  Frequently wash bed linens and towels.  Vacuum.  Recycle your plastic shopping bags and empty your rubbish bins daily.  Wash your lingerie and underwear regularly.   Remember safety in the BDSM dungeon also applies to the bedroom, couch or kitchen table!  The thing is to always be prepared.  Keep a travel kit with condoms, lube, gloves, dams, a toy, toy spray cleaner, baby wipes, portable sharps container, needles, syringes, plastic bags, and scissors or buy a first aid kit and modify it.

REMEMBER:  Safer sex is:
Always carrying condoms with you,
Always using condoms and water-based lube (NOT Vaseline),
Ejaculation inside the condom,
Oral sex using s condom or dam,
Always using a condom when sharing sex toys and change condoms between partners,
Always using latex gloves with anal and needle play,
Mutual masturbation,
Kissing your partners nipples and
Cuddling (Queensland government, Family Planning Queensland).

If you think safety first, before you know it you will be practising safer sex without even being aware you are doing so.   Even if you started doing one or two of these recommendations, you will be reducing your likelihood of transmitting or receiving an STI or HIV.  Everyone will be happy and enjoying getting off on whatever tickles their fancy… arse…clit…or nipple.  You get my drift.  Now, go, fuck off and start organising your dungeon and start practicing Risk Aware Consensual Kink!  In the meantime, I’m feeling horny!  I might just let my fingers do the talking…

By Jezabel Jodine
© Copyright, 2012, escortjodine.com.  escortjezabel.com. All Rights Reserved

REFERENCES:

Family Planning Association, ‘Tonight I’m Getting Infected Condoms’, What is Safe Sex?, Queensland Government Health, September 2008.

Matthews, K., Scarlet Alliance, ‘The National Needs Assessment of Sex Workers who live with HIV’, 2008

Respect Inc, ‘Cleaning & Caring for your Sex Toys’, Fact Sheet

Scarlet Alliance, 2009. Australia Sex Worker Association, ‘HIV Is Not A Crime’, ‘The contemporary response to HIV and the law in Australia: A collection of Articles‘, booklet.

Scarlet Alliance, 2009. Australian Sex Worker Association, ‘ STI Handbook: A Reference Guide for Sex Workers to Sexually Transmitted Infections’.  Commonwealth of Australia

On Meeting Mistress – Pink Derriere

Reflections of Bohemia

Today was the day I introduced Mistress to my derriere.  Please take a reverent moment to observe the pic immediately to your right, and imagine the result of an hour and a half of playing with various instruments of discipline (without the underwear).  But before I recant my story for you, my dear readers, I will start with the emotional buildup of the previous 12 hours in order for you to take a leap of faith and put yourself in my underwear.

Of course, the build up had been much longer than 12 hours.  I think the whole process from start to finish was about 4 weeks from my initial email to Mistress, until I bent over and assumed the position, with my derriere poised to meet her strokes…

During the past week,  I had been feeling incredibly horny!  I could noticeably feel my sexual tension building.  I had no idea of what to expect, other than I was going to be spanked, smacked, strapped, caned and generally walloped.  I did not know if I would feel excited, sad, horny, hurt or numb.  But the idea that I would feel something, made the build up to my first BD/SM experience rather exhilarating to say the least.

I did the usual things to alleviate my sexual urges – sex, masturbation and I also googled appropriate porn to match my naughty thoughts (wicked grin).  I enjoyed explosive orgasm’s, one after the other.  I hadn’t experienced such intense sexual energy for a very long time.  I can only put it down to my willingness to experiment with my sexuality, to resuscitate her back to life.  I recommend to those of you wondering what it would be like, to take a leap of faith and trust a professional Dominatrix to show you something safe and different.

Funnily enough, I did not experience any fear or trepidation.  I presumed this would be a normal expectation, but nothing happened.  No nervous tension, no butterflies, no anxiety – except insomnia the evening prior.  I stayed up the entire night!  I just could not sleep.  I put this down to the fact that I had no idea what to expect, therefore I could not make any experiential references, therefore I was restlessly ignorant!  However, now that I am enlightened, I remain positively invigorated.  Let me explain.

I arrived at 12.30pm on the dot.  I made an effort to put my hair up in a high ponytail.  I wore high fish net stockings up to my midriff.  Black bra. A skirt.  No knickers.  Italian boots and a singlet top. I’m a real Westie Chic – complete with tattoo’s and piercings, preparing for an Eastern education.  I have light makeup on I consider appropriate for our meeting.  I have two bags of clothing with props I am unsure about changing into, so I pretty much cover all the bases by including lingerie, stilleto’s, a pvc dress, and a classic leather studded teddy.

We meet, except this time she greets me at the top of her driveway as I am walking with my head down, and I am somewhat startled by her presence here.  Again, we greet and I make my way into her ‘dungeon’.  I notice, on the bed, an array of implements which I presume, are for me.  I  make myself a coffee and plonk my bags down, muttering that I didn’t really know what to bring.  I sit in a comfortable chair while Mistress enquires about what we might do today.

I get changed into a short black dress, fishnets and stilletto‘s.  Mistress and I then enact a couple of typical client based role-play’s.  She pretends to be the client, while I practice strutting my stuff.  I am inappropriately giggling all the while!  Something I know I will never do with a paying client, unless it is specifically requested.  I do not advocate under any circumstances assuming that humiliation is standard for every client.  It is far from this.  People and their fantasies and role-plays are as varied as the individual imagination.  One size does not fit all.

After a short while, Mistress notices that I am preoccupied with the array of instruments on the bed and she suggests we begin.  I am well aware that I was wanting to experiment with these intriguing things right from the start but I was happy to go with the flow, knowing that all good things come to those who wait.  I change and place myself on all fours on the corner of her bed.  I am surrounded by mirror’s.  This is not the time to notice I have a big butt!  Mistress comments on how beautiful my bottom is compared to her usual fare.

She begins gently.  She spanks me with an open hand.  I am immediately reassured that she is not going to beat me to a pulp as some would imagine.  Her objective is to build trust and I am already head-over-heels in trust with Mistress.  Then she moves on and I experience a light tap of this and a harder twack of that, as she initiates my behind with a full variety of sensations.  I am unperturbed.  I am giggling most of the time and fully engaged with her.  I can see that she is enjoying herself too.

“its not often I get to see a beautiful full bottom.  Bottom men would love yours!”

After a while, the tools of the trade increased in intensity.  Each had a song unto itself. That’s my best description.  Each implement had a sting or thud or slap that left an individual or collective mark.  My bottom was becoming quite warm, just prior to catching on fire!  But it is strangely tolerable.  It is not what you virginal observers would think.  Far from it in fact.  I am aware that she is only going light to moderate strength but I can definitely see what all the fuss is about.  This is so not what you have all been imagining.

Next we have a break, for photographs.  After all, my sessions are being funded and I feel it is only appropriate I demonstrate my progress as it develops.   A few pics of my bottom in all her pink glory, are taken and sent.  Before we move on to the bondage equipment! Woop woop!  I am cuffed in exactly the same way as before except I am wearing my underwear.  I am blindfolded and I allow myself to continue to dialogue with Mistress as she suspends my body.  I am relaxed.  I trust Mistress.  I can’t explain it but I do.

She talks to me about what some clients may want.  Different textures of gloves and fabrics that are moved over my body.  They feel different and sensual.  I am touched on my inner thighs, the top of my mons and my breasts but not intrusively.  The whole idea is to build trust and confidence in my Mistress that she is not going to harm me more than I can handle.  Her motto is Safe, Sane and Consensual.  She places electrodes on my body and begins a gentle electrical impulse.  This is not a painful process but becomes intense as she turns up the volume, so to speak.

Somewhere in between, she continues to cane my bum and it is not as I anticipated.  She gave me 6 of the best!  I don’t know whether or not I am abnormal or deranged, but the whole process did not harm me in any way.  I exclaimed to Mistress that I had become incredibly wet. There is a subtle difference between sexual reaction and arousal.  Although there was no sexual response, it was very evident that I was aroused.  Just the proximity of the strokes would have contributed to my increased moisture of their own accord.

At one point, Mistress intimates that she would provided me with sexual hand relief, as is sometimes the norm, however since her experience had not included many (if any) women, she is not sure if she knows how this would eventuate (with me in mind).  I tell her quite clearly that I would have no problem in the same situation, since my bisexuality has very distinct advantages, but I do not acknowledge or accept her invitation and intuitively this is sorted without stating the obvious.  A very skilled Mistress indeed!

So, I survived!  I have entered into the dungeon of forbidden horrors and come out unscathed.  You lot don’t know a damn thing about BD/SM!  I am not deranged.  I am not insane.  I am not fucked up.  I am not a sexual deviant.  I am intelligent, smart, attractive, happy, curious, courageous and did I mention intelligent?  I have allowed myself a respectful experience with a respectful and nurturing Mistress who cares. If I choose to pursue this path as a career or otherwise, I want to care about the people who trust me with their deepest, darkest desires.

I am looking forward to my next encounter with Mistress.  I do not know in what format the next meeting will be.  We have talked about me observing her as she works her Mistress magic with her clients.  I feel I need to see how it all works in person in order to learn how to manage my feminine power and control.  It is very different to role-play a situation without anything to base it on.  I am hoping I will get the chance to observe and perhaps administer under supervision, if all goes well.

Until next time, I hope I have enlightened you, piqued your interest and debunked any false negative stereotypes of BD/SM or Dominatrices.  They are not all leather-clad, vixen bitches who will beat the crap out of you while you are tied up and can’t move!  Although these Amazon’s are more than happy to deal to this if this is your fantasy, Dominatrices are also other things for many different types of need.  Keep an open mind and don’t judge lest you be judged inaccurately yourself.

Happy bondage!  I will deal with the rest of you later… Jx

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